14 things not to say to a military wife

A friend sent this to me. I don’t know the original author, but it is great!

1. ‘Aren’t you afraid that he’ll be killed?’
(This one ranks in at number one on the ‘duh’ list. Of course we’re afraid. We’re terrified. The thought always lingers at the backs of our minds —but thanks brilliant, you just brought it back to the front. Maybe next you can go ask someone with cancer if they’re scared of dying.)

2. ‘I don’t know how you manage. I don’t think I could do it.’
(This is intended to be a compliment. Though, its just a little annoying. Here’s why: it’s not like all of us military wives have been dreaming since childhood of the day we’d get to be anxious single moms who carry cell phones with us to the bathroom and in the shower. We’re not made of some mysterious matter that makes us more capable, we just got asked to take on a challenging job. So we rose to the challenge and found the strength to make sacrifices.)

3. ‘At least he’s not in Iraq.’
(This is the number one most annoying comment for those whose husbands are in Afghanistan. What do they think is happening in Afghanistan? An international game of golf? Guys are fighting and dying over there.)

4. ‘Do you think he’ll get to come home for Christmas/anniversary/birthday/birth of a child/wedding/family reunion, etc?’
(Don’t you watch the news? No! They don’t get to come home for any of these things. Please don’t ask again.)

5. ‘What are you going to do to keep yourself busy while he’s gone?’
(Short answer: Try to keep my sanity. Maybe there’s a military wife out there who gets bored when her husband leaves, but I have yet to meet her. For the rest of us, those with and without children, we find ourselves having to be two people. That keeps us plenty busy. We do get lonely, but we don’t get bored, and drinking massive amounts of wine always helps keep me busy.)

6. ‘How much longer does he have until he can get out?’
(This one is annoying to many of us whether our husbands are deployed or not. Many of our husbands aren’t counting down the days until they ‘can’ get out. Many of them keep signing back up again and again because they actually love what they do or they VOLUNTEER AGAIN and AGAIN to go back to Iraq b/c there is work that needs to be done.)

7. ‘This deployment shouldn’t be so bad, now that you’re used to it.’
(Sure, we do learn coping skills and its true the more deployments you’ve gone through, the easier dealing with it becomes. And we figure out ways to make life go smoother while the guys are gone. But it never gets ‘easy’ and the bullets and bombs don’t skip over our guys just because they’ve been there before. The worry never goes away.)

8. ‘My husband had to go to Europe for business once for three weeks. I totally know what you’re going through.’
(This one is similar to number two. Do not equate your husband’s three week trip to London/Omaha/Tokyo/etc. With a 12-15 month or more deployment to a war zone. Aside from the obvious time difference, nobody shot at your husband or tried to blow him up with an I.E.D., your husband could call home pretty much any time he wanted to, he flew comfortably on a commercial plane, slept between crisp white sheets and ate well, paying for everything with an expense account. There is no comparison. We do not feel bonded to you in the slightest because of this comment and, if anything, we probably resent you a bit for it. Comparing a 12 month combat deployment to a few weeks business trip is like comparing a shitty ford Taurus with Mercedes convertible.)

9. ‘Wow you must miss him?’
(This one also gets another big ‘duh’. Of course we miss our men. There are some wives who do not and they’re now divorced.)

10. ‘Where is he exactly? Where is that?’
(I don’t expect non-military folks to be able to find Anbar Province on a map, but they should know by now that it’s in Iraq. Likewise, know that Kabul and Kandahar are in Afghanistan. Know that Mutada al Sadr is the insurgent leader of the Mahdi Army in Iraq and that Sadr City is his home area. Know that Iran is a major threat to our country and that it is located between Afghanistan and Iraq. Our country has been at war in Afghanistan for seven years and at war in Iraq for five years. These basic facts are not secrets, they’re on the news every night and in the papers every day —and on maps everywhere.)

11. ‘Well, he signed up for it, so it’s his own fault whatever happens over there.
(Yes, ignorant, he did sign up. Each and every day he protects your right to make stupid comments like that. He didn’t sign up and ask to be hit by anything, he signed up to protect his country. Oh, and by the way, he asked me to tell you that ‘You’re welcome.’ He’s still fighting for your freedom.)

12. ‘Don’t you miss sex! I couldn’t do it!’
(hmmm, no i don’t miss sex. i’m a robot. seriously…military spouses learn quickly that our relationships must be founded on something greater than sex. We learn to appreciate the important things, like simply hearing their voices, seeing their faces, being able to have dinner together every night. And the hard truth is, most relationships probably couldn’t withstand 12 months of sex deprivation.)

13. ‘Well in my opinion…..’
(Stop right there. Yo, I didn’t ask for you your personal political opinions. Hey, I love a heated political debate, but not in the grocery store, not in Jamba Juice, not at Nordstrom, not in a bar when I’m out with my girls trying to forget the war, and CERTAINLY NOT AT WORK. We tell co-workers about deployments so when we have to spend lunch hours running our asses off doing errands and taking care of the house, dog, and kids, they have an understanding. We do not tell co-workers and colleagues because we are giving an invitation to ramble about politics or because we so eagerly want to hear how much they hate the President, esp. while we’re trying to heat up our lean cuisines in the crappy office microwaves.)

last but not least….

14. ‘OH, that’s horrible…I’m so sorry!’
(He’s doing his job and he’s a badass. Don’t be sorry. Be appreciative and please take a moment out of your comfortable American lives to realize that our soldiers fight the wars abroad so those wars stay abroad.)

If you want to say anything, say thank you.

Giving Back to Veterans

Giving Back – Great Article in Times Mag

Military Handbooks

Here’s a link with great info!

http://www.militaryhandbooks.com

Study says 300,000 U.S. troops suffer mental problems

Study says 300,000 U.S. Troops Suffer Mental Problems

By David MorganThu Apr 17, 2:15 PM ET

Click here for link to story

About 300,000 U.S. troops returning from Iraq and Afghanistan suffer symptoms of post-traumatic stress disorder or depression, but about half receive no care, an independent study said on Thursday.

The study by the RAND Corp. also estimated that another 320,000 troops have sustained a possible traumatic brain injury during deployment. But researchers could not say how many of those cases were serious or required treatment.

Billed as the first large-scale nongovernmental survey of its kind, the study found that stress disorder and depression afflict 18.5 percent of the more than 1.5 million U.S. forces who have deployed to the two war zones.

The numbers are roughly in line with previous studies. A February assessment by the U.S. Army that showed 17.9 percent of U.S. troops in Iraq and Afghanistan suffering from acute stress, depression or anxiety in 2007, down from 19.1 percent in 2006.

But the 500-page RAND study, based in part on interviews with more than 1,900 soldiers, sailors and Marines, also said that only half of troops suffering debilities receive care. And in half of those cases, the care is only minimally adequate.

“There is a major health crisis facing those men and women who have served our nation in Iraq and Afghanistan,” said Terri Tanielian, a RAND researcher who helped head the study.

“Unless they receive appropriate and effective care for these mental health conditions, there will be long-term consequences for them and for the nation.”

FEAR OF STIGMA

The study said many service members do not seek treatment because they fear the stigma associated with psychological problems could harm their careers.

Post-traumatic stress disorder, or PTSD, can result from wartime trauma such as suffering wounds or witnessing others being hurt. Symptoms include irritability or outbursts of anger, sleep difficulties, trouble concentrating, extreme vigilance and an exaggerated startle response.

RAND recommended that the Pentagon create a way for service members to receive mental health service confidentially and monitor the quality of care.

Army Col. Loree Sutton, director of the U.S. Defense Center of Excellence for Psychological Health and Traumatic Brain Injury, welcomed the study.

She was concerned at the finding that only about half of those who sought help received “minimally adequate” treatment and said it would spur the military to try harder to recruit more mental health specialists.

The Army wants to hire 275 civilian mental health professionals but a tight labor market and difficulties getting civilians into war zones has slowed the effort, officials say.

RAND, a private research organization, estimated that stress and depression among returning soldiers cost $6.2 billion in the two years following deployment, mainly due to lost productivity, medical costs and a higher risk of suicide. (Additional reporting by Andrew Gray; Editing by Alan Elsner and Will Dunham)

Military Kids

Washington Examiner
April 11, 2008

The 3-Minute Interview: Linda Davidson

By Dan Genz

Linda Davidson is the co-founder of Our Military Kids, a McLean-based nonprofit organization delivering grants of $500 or less to the children of National Guard members and Army reservists serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. The Pentagon honored Davidson and co-founder Gail Kruzel this week for distributing more than $1 million in the last three years.

How did you get involved in this project?

I was setting up another project dealing with military families that gave me the occasion to speak to spouses of deployed National Guardsmen. They shared the stories of the difficulties they were having with their children.

Why provide small grants to children for activities like youth sports?

We started this program in the hopes that the child can begin something new so they can get engaged in things that serve as a distraction when Mommy or Daddy are gone.

How do the grants make a difference?

It’s interesting how the parent who is not there shares the child’s experience. Children learning karate or piano, they really take pride in sharing their progress in that, and the child is very proud when Daddy comes home and they can come to a recital or tournament.

Do you have any family in the military?

I do not, and that’s part of the reason why I’m doing what I’m doing. My family has been very blessed, and the only way we’ve been affected by 9/11 are the longer lines at the airport. When I was speaking with these families, I was thinking how thankful we were that we have families who are willing to make huge sacrifices.

Do the kids appreciate the grants?

Absolutely. It’s easy for parents to tell our children you’re making a sacrifice, but to have somebody, a national organization removed from the family, recognize them for the service they’re doing for our country means a lot to them.

Looking for Vets

There is a court reporter & interview transcriber. She is working on an awesome project to interview / transcribe stories especially from WWI and WWII veterans to publish for the Library of Congress. They are happy to interview any veterans from foreign war, but she is focusing on WWI & WWII due to the fact that this generation’s age. I am helping her look for veterans to interview and students to do the interviewing. She suggests that the students be at least the age of Sophomores or older due to potential graphic content of the stories.

If you know of any veterans who would like to be interviewed or have contacts to schools/students/organizations who would be interested, please let me know & I’ll hook you up with her.

Email Jen at  weisjen@charter.net

Hope Rides Alone

Sgt. Jeffers was a strong soldier and talented writer. He died in Iraq on September 19, 2007. He was a loving husband, brother and son. His service was more than this country could ever grasp – but the least you can do for the man who sacrificed his life for you is listen to what he had to say. Listen up and pay attention to all of the Cindy Sheehans and Al Frankens of the world. To MSNBC, CNN, and CBS. To all who call themselves Americans

Hope Rides Alone.

By Eddie Jeffers

I stare out into the darkness from my post, and I watch the city burn to the ground. I smell the familiar smells, I walk through the familiar rubble, and I look at the frightened faces that watch me pass down the streets of their neighborhoods.

My nerves hardly rest; my hands are steady on a device that has been given to me from my government for the purpose of taking the lives of others.

I sweat, and I am tired. My back aches from the loads I carry. Young American boys look to me to direct them in a manner that will someday allow them to see their families again. And yet, I too, am just a boy….my age not but a few years more than that of the ones I lead. I am stressed, I am scared, and I am paranoid… because death is everywhere. It waits for me, it calls to me from around street corners and windows, and……..it is always there. There are the demons that follow me, and tempt me into thoughts and actions that are not my own…but that are necessary for survival. I’ve made compromises with my humanity. And I am not alone in this.

Miles from me are my brethren in this world, who walk in the same streets… who feel the same things, whether they admit to it or not. And to think, I volunteered for this… And I am ignorant to the rest of the world…or so I thought. But even thousands of miles away, in Ramadi, Iraq, the cries and screams and complaints of the ungrateful reach me. In a year, I will be thrust back into society from a life and mentality that doesn’t fit your average man. And then, I will be alone. And then, I will walk down the streets of America, and see the yellow ribbon stickers on the cars of the same people who compare our President to Hitler.

I will watch the television and watch the Cindy Sheehans, and the Al Frankens, and the rest of the ignorant sheep of America spout off their mouths about a subject they know nothing about. It is their right, however, and it is a right that is defended by hundreds of thousands of boys and girls scattered across the world, far from home. I use the words boys and girls, because that’s what they are. In the Army, the average age of the infantryman is nineteen years old. The average rank of soldiers killed in action is Private First Class.

People like Cindy Sheehan are ignorant. Not just to this war, but to the results of their idiotic ramblings, or, at least I hope they are. They don’t realize its effects on this war. In this war, there are no Geneva Conventions, no cease fires. Medics and Chaplains are not spared from the enemy’s brutality because it’s against the rules. I can only imagine the horrors a military Chaplain would experience at the hands of the enemy. The enemy slinks in the shadows and fights a coward’s war against us. It is effective though, as many men and women have died since the start of this war. And the memory of their service to America is tainted by the inconsiderate remarks on our nation’s news outlets.

And every day, the enemy changes…only now, the enemy is becoming something new. The enemy is transitioning from the Muslim extremists to Americans. The enemy is becoming the very people whom we defend with our lives. And they do not realize it. But in denouncing our actions, denouncing our leaders, denouncing the war we live and fight, they are isolating the military from society… and they are becoming our enemy.

The Senate Democrats and peace activists like to toss the word “quagmire” around and compare this war to Vietnam. In a way they are right, this war is becoming like Vietnam. Not the actual war, but in the isolation of country and military. America is not a nation at war; they are a nation with its military at war. Like it or not, we are here, some of us for our second, or third times; some even for their fourth and so on. Americans are so concerned now with politics, that it is interfering with our war. Terrorists cut the heads off of American citizens on the Internet… and there is no outrage, but an American soldier kills an Iraqi in the midst of battle, and there are investigations, and sometimes soldiers are even jailed…for doing their job.

It is absolutely sickening to me to think our country has come to this. Why are we so obsessed with the bad news? Why will people stop at nothing to be against this war, no matter how much evidence of the good we’ve done is thrown in their face? When is the last time CNN or MSNBC or CBS reported the opening of schools and hospitals in Iraq? Or the leaders of terror cells being detained or killed? It’s all happening, but people will not let up their hatred of Bush. They will ignore the good news, because it just might show people that Bush was right.

America has lost its will to fight. It has lost its will to defend what is right and just in the world. The crazy thing of it all is that the American people have not even been asked to sacrifice a single thing. It’s not like World War Two, where people rationed food, and turned in cars to be made into metal for tanks. The American people have not been asked to sacrifice anything. Unless you are in the military or the family member of a service member, it’s life as usual…the war doesn’t affect you. But it affects us. And when it is over, and the troops come home, and they try to piece together what’s left of them after their service…where will the detractors be then?

Where will the Cindy Sheehans be to comfort and talk to soldiers and help them sort out the last couple years of their lives, most of which have been spent dodging death and wading through the deaths of their friends? They will be where they always are, somewhere far away, where the horrors of the world can’t touch them. Somewhere where they can complain about things they will never experience in their lifetime; things that the young men and women of America have willingly taken upon their shoulders.

We are the hope of the Iraqi people. They want what everyone else wants in life: safety, security, somewhere to call home. They want a country that is safe to raise their children in. Not a place where their children will be abducted, raped, and murdered if they do not comply with the terrorists demands. They want to live on, rebuild and prosper. And America has given them the opportunity, but only if we stay true to the cause, and see it to its end.

But the country must unite in this endeavor…we cannot place the burden on our military alone. We must all stand up and fight, whether in uniform or not. And supporting us is more than sticking yellow ribbon stickers on your cars. It’s supporting our President, our troops and our cause. Right now, the burden is all on the American soldiers. Right now, hope rides alone. But it can change, it must change. Because there is only failure and darkness ahead for us as a country, as a people, if it doesn’t. Let’s stop all the political nonsense, let’s stop all the bickering, let’s stop all the bad news, and let’s stand and fight!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Eddie’s father, David Jeffers, writes:

I’m not sure how many letters or articles you’ve ever read from the genre of “News from the Front,” but this is one of the best I’ve ever read, including all of America’s wars.

As I was reading this, I forgot that it was my son who had written it. My emotions range from great pride to great sorrow, knowing that my little boy (22 years old) has become this man.

He is my hero.

God bless.

Though Eddie is no longer with us, you can help to let his voice be heard. And pass his words on to others…

HAD IT NOT BEEN FOR THE MILITARY THERE WOULD BE NO AMERICA

Say Thank You

http://www.gratitudecampaign.org/fullmovie.php

I thought this was very cool!

Wounded Warriors to Serve at Merchant Marine Academy

 
Secretary Peters Announces Plan to Benefit Veterans, Midshipmen

WASHINGTON, D.C. – U.S. Secretary of Transportation Mary E. Peters announced today that U.S. Merchant Marine Academy at Kings Point (USMMA) will be opened to U.S. Navy and Marine Corps veterans recovering from combat injuries for assignment. The Academy, located on Long Island, New York, will provide an opportunity for wounded sailors and Marines to continue active duty as they recuperate from their injuries in a setting that is relatively close to their homes and families. Students at the Academy will benefit through interaction with veterans with recent combat experience, she added.

Maritime Administrator Sean T. Connaughton, along with Secretary of the Navy Donald C. Winter and Representative Gene Taylor (4th-MS), Chairman of the Subcommittee on Seapower and Expeditionary Forces, joined together to develop the new program. The participating veterans will be eligible for light duty assignments at Kings Point, such as classroom instruction and student mentoring, under the Navy’s Safe Harbor Program and the Marine Corps’ Wounded Warrior Regiment.

“Our wounded sailors and Marines can bring home the ideals of courage, service, and personal sacrifice and their experience will provide inspiration to the Academy’s cadets,” Secretary Peters said.

Administrator Connaughton agreed, adding, “We will be honored to welcome these heroes to Kings Point. It will provide them a safe haven for recovery, and provides the benefit of their knowledge and experience for the faculty and staff, as well as the midshipmen.”

Chairman Taylor, who made the formal request to the Navy, said, “Our wounded veterans want very much to continue to contribute in a meaningful way. This gives them the opportunity to do so. Being surrounded by enthusiastic young people can only speed their recovery. I commend Secretary Winter for his continued dedication to ensure our wounded sailors and Marines are given the best chance at a full recovery.”

The U.S. Merchant Marine Academy at Kings Point, New York, is operated by the Department of Transportation’s Maritime Administration. It trains men and women for service in the merchant marine, and all graduates are required to serve either in the U.S. maritime industry or in the U.S. Armed Forces

PTSD Information

I came across this informative piece on PTSD for families. I haven’t read it completely, but I will be, then I’ll have more thoughts about it. In the meantime, I hope it helps you.

Click Here to Download the PTSD info